Wattpad works

03 April 2012


A friend of mine did something that made me laugh this morning.

At work today we received a gift as part of an employee meeting. This gift was in a small box. Instead of doing what had the greatest chance of yielding a firm answer, namely, opening the box, I wondered out loud what we were receiving.

My friend plucked the box from my hand, placed it against his forehead and predicted, correctly, that the box contained a pedometer. His correct answer was aided by the fact that he had already opened his box.

What occurred to me was that there is a whole generation of people who would be oblivious to the cultural reference my friend made. The name Johnny Carson is likely one most twenty-something's have heard of, but it has been two decades since Carson hosted The Tonight Show. So, recognize the name Carson, sure, but Carnac the Magnificent? Don’t think so.

Carson’s Carnac was a great routine he did for years and years. He wore a cape and a turban and was able to correctly guess the contents of sealed envelopes merely by placing the envelope against his forehead. Funny stuff. I don’t know how many nights are buried in my memory of me staying up with my dad and watching Carson slay the audience. This is the old man in me speaking, but Leno and Letterman never lived up.

Which makes me hearken back to last week’s Page Turner and the spectacular feat of prognostication (with the word prognostication loosely defined) that I am sure you will soon agree is clear evidence that I should get my own late night talk show so that I can resurrect the Carnac act.

In the aforementioned Page Turner (please tell you read it), I used the fact that Harper Lee and Margaret Mitchell were both one-hit wonders to make a point about fear. And then this past Sunday, as I was reading the D-News (short for Deseret News, a local newspaper), what do I see as the leading piece in Section E? An article about Mitchell and Lee and two upcoming documentaries that delve into their lives.

What are the odds?

Isn’t this the most amazing thing you have ever come across?

Okay, maybe not.

I did see something the other day on Yahoo News about Kirstie Alley gaining fifty pounds in two weeks. Or was that losing fifty pounds? I don’t know. It was pretty amazing though. So, while last week’s act of prognostication is not as amazing as an Alley binge or purge, which I freely admit, it is still way more amazing than, say, a second week at number one for The Hunger Games.

What am I trying to say? I would think it obvious, but since you ask, and since you don't have the same powers that I do, I am officially putting out my swami sign! Whatever question you have, please just submit it and I will wow you with my forward-seeing swaminess. I am open for business. Let the money start rolling in.