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27 November 2013

Daily Ambivalence - pilgrims ate popcorn

Pie, as everyone knows, is the best part of Thanksgiving.

Putting that aside. What can you say about all the food people typically eat on the 4th Thursday of November?

I have a coworker who is going to have a bacon-wrapped turkey tomorrow. This sparked a discussion about bacon and combining bacon with other meats.

Dude, the card is in mint condition
Is there any combination of bacon and (fill in the blank with some form of meat) that doesn't see a substantial improvement in overall taste and succulent red or white protein goodness? To me, when it comes to even the most compromised homemaker, bacon-wrapped turkey sounds like the perfect solution for achieving success. How can you mess up bacon wrapped turkey? It's impossible.

My coworker friend said he would take a picture of the bacon-wrapped turkey to show us what it looks like, but I think he was just bragging.

So that brings us to popcorn. My 11-year-old came home yesterday and said he learned in school that the pilgrims ate popcorn on the first Thanksgiving.

What are they teaching our kids in schools? How stupid do they think we are? And besides, saying the pilgrims ate popcorn on the first Thanksgiving is just mean.

Sure Orville Redenbacher the inventor of popcorn looked old, but he wasn't that old. And he's dead. So he can't really defend himself against such slander. Saying he was old enough to be there with the first pilgrims is like beating a dead horse. Only you're beating an old dead guy wearing a bow tie.

I'd give my 11-year-old's teacher a piece of my mind, but I swore I'd never go back to grade school and I meant it.

Pilgrims ate popcorn . . . eh.