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24 March 2013

Daily Ambivalence - Ferris Bueller

Ferris Bueller was a fictional character in a movie that had the name of Ferris Bueller in the title.

Matthew Broderick is the actor who played Ferris Bueller.

The character of Ferris Bueller was, in effect, a mortal Superman. He was pretty much invincible throughout the movie, though he probably could have been killed by a nuclear explosion.

After playing Bueller, Broderick went on to play weak, mostly pitiable characters, possibly because he had a strong premonition of his impending hair loss.

Before Broderick lost all his hair, or before he lost enough hair that thinning was a recurrent word used in any description of him, he played one of the main characters in the remake of Godzilla. He of course did not play Godzilla. Godzilla is a two hundred foot lizard and were a human actor to take on that role it would require a truly special talent. Someone like Daniel Day-Lewis or Pauly Shore.

In Godzilla, Broderick's character was weak and mostly pitiable, but the funny thing was that the person you most wanted to get eaten by Godzilla wasn't him. That distinction went to his girlfriend played by Maria Patillo. I really wanted Godzilla to eat Maria Patillo. One of the Godzilla babies eating her would have been okay too, I guess. The problem is - SPOILER ALERT - Maria Patillo survives the movie mostly intact.

I think directors should try and develop a sixth sense when it comes to the performances their actors are submitting. If more directors would do this, they would know when there is the chance the audience might want Godzilla to eat the main character before the movie is over.

It wouldn't necessarily have to be Godzilla showing up and eating the main character. I mean, if you were making  the third or fourth Sex and the City movie it would just seem silly to have Godzilla show up and eat Miranda Hobbes, but let's be honest, some kind of unspeakable, untimely death would be cheered by millions.

This is not an isolated, rarely occurring problem. Take Olive Oil in the movie The Shining. Jack should have totally killed her at the end. Don't tell me you weren't hoping for that.

To conclude, I feel bad that Matthew Broderick lost his hair and wasn't even asked to try out for the roll that will be played by Henry Cavil this year. Matthew was born in 1962, long before the advent of Propecia or minoxidil. With a full head of hair, who knows what he could have done.

Ferris Bueller . . . eh.