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03 February 2014

Daily Ambivalence - balsa wood

Yeah, you say balsa wood and people typically think of insubstantial, lightweight things.

Kind of tragic, really.

Nobody remembers the story behind the name, how Wilbur Balsa had a genetic disease that caused his body to convert corn directly into fat. To the point where Wilbur ballooned to over 900 hundred pounds and he couldn't leave his parent's movie/game room. Not much he could do about changing his diet because he lived in Nebraska. Didn't help that his fingers got so thick he couldn't hold a spoon or fork. Just special-order corn holders.

With the title above referencing balsa wood and then the body of this blog discussing an unhealthy, morbidly obese corn fan, you probably thought I was going in the direction of a coffin made out of balsa wood so the pallbearers could carry it.


No, Wilbur died in a house fire - or should have - but that's when the townsfolk discovered he was a vampire.

A wood salesman from Equador happened to be in town so, you know. Balsa wood stakes wouldn't have been my first choice, but they did the job apparently.

Balsa wood . . . eh.