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18 August 2013

Daily Ambivalence - dust mites

In ten years your mattress doubles in weight from a build up of dead skin cells.

I heard that statistic once.

We've all seen pictures of dust mites and how scary they look, but I think what people should actually say when the topic of dust mites comes up over dinner is how much dust mites suck at their job.

I mean, c'mon. Beware the dead skin cell, right?

What, are dead skins cells hard to track down and kill? Are they wary woodland creatures almost impossible to catch? No.

Stupid dust mites. They basically live on top of a mountain of potato chips and can't take care of business.

I'll tell you what, if I lived atop the equivalent of an Eiger of Cool Ranch +Doritos, you can bet that pile would be smaller, not bigger, after ten years.

And I don't even like Cool Ranch Doritos.

I prefer original. With bean dip.

Dust mites . . . eh.