Wattpad works

10 May 2013

Daily Ambivalence - pirates and other bad people

He's happy, because
he's a clown
Jolly Roger and Bluebeard sound like the names of clowns or people who have a great sense of humor.

To my knowledge, Bluebeard never had a successful career in stand up comedy.

As for Jolly, I guess it wouldn't be fair to expect a whole lot of comedy gold, since Jolly Roger refers to a pirate flag and not an actual pirate. Still, the name doesn't sound piratey at all.

I wonder if I could write a drama or a successful sitcom featuring Bluebeard and Jolly Roger? Bluebeard would live in New York or LA and he would always be looking for a wife (if you're not familiar with the Bluebeard legend, he killed all his wives). Jolly Roger could be a private detective trying to solve the mystery of so many ladies with the surname of "Beard" ending up dead.

Ignore at your peril
Or the sitcom could have Bluebeard and Jolly as roommates and at the end of every episode Jolly comes home from work and finds that Bluebeard has killed yet another wife. Jolly would then roll his eyes and utter some catch phrase I haven't thought up yet. This catch phrase would enter the phrasal lexicon of America and be repeated ad nauseam, ultimately making us even stupider and more insipid as a people, which of course would result in higher ratings for Entertainment Tonight.

I'd retire as head writer after ten seasons, my millions in the bank, stop bathing or cutting my hair, lock myself in my mansion, then die alone while eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich and not be found for weeks.

Whoa, that actually doesn't end well for me.

I'm going to stop writing about pirates and bad people immediately.

Pirates and other bad people . . . eh.