A bacon-wrapped pithy

I wonder if young comic book fans appreciate the golden age they live in?

Super heroes are freaking everywhere. Movies. TV. Conventions. Nowadays you can't pee without hitting a super hero. Pardon my French.

When you think of super heroes it's natural to ask yourself what kind of super power you would want if you could chose. Right now I would choose Pac Man power.

I'm sitting in front of a table right now and my mom surprised me with a bacon-wrapped turkey. It was a 30 lb. turkey with 10 lbs. of bacon and so you wouldn't think I'd struggle with that. Thing is, I filled up on pie beforehand.

I don't know how Pac Man does it. He eats all those ghosts and dots. Ghosts probably aren't all that filling, but the dots? Where does he put all those?

That's what I want. Pac Man power. That would be great.

Daily Ambivalence - pilgrims ate popcorn

Pie, as everyone knows, is the best part of Thanksgiving.

Putting that aside. What can you say about all the food people typically eat on the 4th Thursday of November?

I have a coworker who is going to have a bacon-wrapped turkey tomorrow. This sparked a discussion about bacon and combining bacon with other meats.

Dude, the card is in mint condition

Is there any combination of bacon and (fill in the blank with some form of meat) that doesn't see a substantial improvement in overall taste and succulent red or white protein goodness? To me, when it comes to even the most compromised homemaker, bacon-wrapped turkey sounds like the perfect solution for achieving success. How can you mess up bacon wrapped turkey? It's impossible.

My coworker friend said he would take a picture of the bacon-wrapped turkey to show us what it looks like, but I think he was just bragging.

So that brings us to popcorn. My 11-year-old came home yesterday and said he learned in school that the pilgrims ate popcorn on the first Thanksgiving.

What are they teaching our kids in schools? How stupid do they think we are? And besides, saying the pilgrims ate popcorn on the first Thanksgiving is just mean.

Sure Orville Redenbacher the inventor of popcorn looked old, but he wasn't that old. And he's dead. So he can't really defend himself against such slander. Saying he was old enough to be there with the first pilgrims is like beating a dead horse. Only you're beating an old dead guy wearing a bow tie.

I'd give my 11-year-old's teacher a piece of my mind, but I swore I'd never go back to grade school and I meant it.

Pilgrims ate popcorn . . . eh.

Daily Ambivalence - Christmas music in November

If you start listening to Christmas music in November you will totally hate the song The Christmas Shoes by the time . . . well, by your first listen, actually.

That was a bad example. I should have chosen a classic like Bing Crosby's White Christmas. Yeah, that one. You know the one where you can totally see Danny Kaye standing next to Bing in the radio.

If you start listening to Christmas music in November you will be sick of White Christmas by Christmas. No one should do this.

Take me. I've been listening to Christmas music for a week now. I'm not sick of White Christmas yet but I've had my fill of You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch.

It's sad.

Christmas music in November . . . eh.

Daily Ambivalence - words that rhyme with poem

Home.

In thinking about this entry it occurs to me that rhyming things isn't a talent I value. Poetry that rhymes usually sounds trivial to me. And it's harder to write.

Chrome.

When I write poetry I don't like to be fettered by unnatural restrictions or rules. Those things demand talent. It's better just to pull a paragraph from something you wrote and then use hard return in an unconventional way.

Dome.

To conclude, the only people making money today for rhyming are rappers. I've got no street cred so even if I worked harder at rhyming that option is not open to me. [hard return]

Foam.

Words that rhyme with poem . . . eh.