Daily Ambivalence - pulling a rabbit out of your hat

Maybe Bill was more an illusionist,
but he had the rabbit thing down.

What magic act is complete without a guy in a cape pulling a rabbit out of his hat?

I'm probably a little old school in that belief.

I wonder what possessed the first magician to pull a rabbit out of his hat? The reason I ask this is because . . . why not gold coins? If magicians pulled gold coins out of their hats and then threw them into the audience I'll bet their shows would be better attended.

That, and they wouldn't have to keep coming up with the bigger-better. Nowadays magicians don't get noticed unless they do something like hold their breath underwater while causing an elephant to poo a 7 of Clubs.

Just throw gold coins, guys. It's not rocket science.

But they won't listen. Every time I go it's just a stupid rabbit. And the elephant thing.

Pulling a rabbit out of your hat . . . eh.

Daily Ambivalence - refugulate

When a coworker misspeaks and says a word like refugulate, how many times over the course of say, two years, can you bring it up in conversation before it becomes rude?

Look at the word - refugulate.

Too bad you can't find that word in the dictionary because it pretty much makes me happy every time I say it . . . in her presence.

At least it did.

I think it was unreasonable yesterday when I slipped the word refugulate into a discussion about contract eligibility and waiting periods and my friend flips out and tries to stab me with a letter opener.

Not cool, right?

That's totally on her, though I did feel bad when the cops carted her away.

Now some of my other coworkers are saying it would be in poor taste if I testified against her in a court of law.

I think their logic is flawed. I refugulate that.

Refugulate . . . eh.

Daily Ambivalence - balconies

Lots of famous balcony scenes in literature.

You know that scene where Romeo digs on Juliet and makes her fall in love with him? Balcony.

Or there's that one time where the guy with the big nose helps that other dude get a girl to fall in love with him, only it's a girl the guy with the big nose likes. I wonder if after the guy with the big nose did that he was like, "Man, I'm good. I totally just . . . I . . . aww crap!" Or maybe that was the first use of "Doh!"

Like the time I let my friend Bill talk me into eating three ghost peppers for twenty bucks. I don't think that happened on a balcony, but it's possible. After the second ghost pepper things got a little weird, kind of like that acid trip scene in Dumbo.

Actually, there are only two balcony scenes in literature that I can think of and they were written a long time ago.

Someone should write another famous balcony scene. Only it should have tons of action. And maybe a penguin that speaks Portuguese. And no ghost peppers. Disney would snap up those rights in a second.

I don't know. Too avant guard?

Balconies . . . eh.

Daily Ambivalence - days that suck

In the history of the world there have been many days that sucked.

Like today.

Today sucks.

It's funny how on days that suck there always seem to be one or two people who don't realize that the day sucks. Like that lady over there right now at the bus stop. She's smiling. How can she not realize this days sucks?

And that guy on the billboard over there. He's smiling too. I guess he's just a static photograph so not much he can do about it, but still.

No way I'm watching the news when I get home. Those news guys even smile on the weekends. And they're working on the weekend. Idiots.

I had a dog named Scooter when I was a kid. Poor Scooter got hit by a car on a Saturday. We took him to a vet who happened to be working that Saturday. Scooter still died. I hate that guy.

Days that suck . . . eh.